The Four Things That Love Has Taught Me (So Far)

One of my favorite digital resources, Refinery 29, published a great Q&A last week featuring four New York City couples and how they keep the fire burning for one other. After reading this piece, I couldn’t help but be inspired to reflect on all the things I’ve learned about love and because of love thanks to my fantastic other half. 

1. Love can be one of the easiest and the most difficult feelings to both express and to experience.

Love, as it turns out, is one of the easiest and the most difficult feelings to both express and to feel. For me, giving love is far, far easier than receiving. I’ve got a proclivity for being hard on myself, which makes accepting love from others fairly difficult. I have a I-don’t-think-I-deserve-this filter that I’m doing my best to annihilate. Love is a gift; love is something all beings deserve and have a right to experience. 

2. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Theodore Roosevelt

If you want to suck all the joy and happiness out of yourself and a relationship (or situation), compare yourself to something or someone else. I implore you, resist the urge to compare yourself to another beautiful woman, your relationship to another couple’s, or your own relationship to a different moment in time during the relationship. Just because another woman is beautiful doesn’t mean you’re not. Just because another couple appears happier than you doesn’t mean they are. Just because your relationship feels different now than a few months or a few years ago doesn’t mean something is wrong. Instead, focus on the positive.

3. You can only be as happy with someone else as you are with yourself. You can only love someone else as deeply as you love yourself. You’ll only be as sexy as you feel.

It sounds so easy doesn’t it? For some, this is a real toughie, myself included. Being happy with yourself and loving yourself isn’t always easy. In my experience, perfectionists and women have a particularly difficult time with this. I still struggle with this on what seems to be a weekly basis. Here’s something that I should read more often:

“A powerful realization that has helped me is simply this: You’re already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you’re already perfect...if you learn to be content with who you are and where you are in life, it changes everything.”

Don’t underestimate the importance of your own happiness and well being. If everyone were more concerned with their own happiness the world would be a better place. If everyone put the same effort into being who they wanted to be as who they think their significant other wanted them to be, the world would be a much better place, too. I’ve learned that alone time away from your partner is key. So is engaging in activities and hobbies that you’re passionate about.  

Also, ladies, you are sexy and you should know it. Your man loves you just the way you are. Confidence is hotter than anything Agent Provocateur can offer you, so work what you’ve got in a way that makes you feel hot! For me, working out is the best aphrodisiac in the world!

4. Sex does not (and should not) make or break a relationship.

In the beginning, there was sex. And it was good. A year or so later, there is still sex, it is still good but it is most certainly different (and remember: different does not mean better or worse). Sex will come and go in a relationship. There will be peaks and there will be valleys. Sometimes you’ll peak together (wink, wink) and sometimes you’ll be in different places. Work, roommates, differing sex drives, pets, kids, you name it, they all can come first (no pun intended) before sex. 

It’s taken me the past three weeks to succumb to this truth. In my mind, men have the sex drive of a sports car. They’re ready to go whenever we are. This is a lie. They’re apparently human, too. (I know, I was shocked.) A lesson that has been really tough to swallow lately is a mix between numbers three and four: just because he doesn’t want to have sex with you all the time anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or doesn’t think you’re gorgeous. It just means he doesn’t want to, and you have to learn to be okay with that.

Restaurant Review: Next Door

It’s sexy Next Door; the lighting is low, the booths are embracing and the food is sure to illicit sounds of absolute delight. Ben Berryhill’s newest culinary endeavor-- you guessed it, basically next door to Red Drum-- is my new favorite place I can’t wait to go back to.

The Atmosphere

I hate to use the hackneyed term “casual elegance” to describe Next Door’s atmosphere, but that’s exactly what the Mount Pleasant bistro offers. The vibe is relaxed but not subdued. There’s a subtle hum of confidence, energy and fun that emanates from the staff, the plates the kitchen produces and the bartender’s faultless musical choices. You’ll want to stay here through multiple courses.

The Staff

Our waiter was impeccable. There’s something to be said for a server who strikes a balance between being making you feel like an inconvenience and watching you like a hawk. He seemed to enjoy our meal right along with us, guiding us through the wine list and the menu, pointing our favorites and “must try” items. 

The Food

Next Door’s menu is crowded with delicious items, many of which use locally sourced produce, seafood and proteins. Of course, this means the menu changes frequently, so if you hear of a dish your friend loves, best head Next Door as soon as possible.

The salad of baby beets, watermelon radishes, baby carrots and house made mozzarella ($8) with a lemon vinaigrette was like a run through Mr. MacGregor’s garden with a lemon twist. So refreshing, so balanced and so delightful. Who says salads need be boring? The root vegetables, roasted, were tender but still satisfyingly crunchy. The mozzarella served as a creamy foil to the salad’s purity. Definitely a must order. 

There’s something about cutting into a poached egg, and how its liquid gold seductively pours from its tender white albumen cradle. Pair that with freshly made pasta, house made ricotta and nutty brown butter and you’ve got the makings of a decadent yet simple dish. Next Door’s poached egg, ham, and ricotta raviolo ($14) is rich and satiating in its sea of nutty brown butter, though definitely one to share. 

Eating Next Door’s seared duck breast with kale, turnips, duck jus and soubise is tortuous. With each bite there’s less to enjoy, without another bite you feel deprived. Earthy, salty, tender and complete with crisp, seared skin this is how one should prepare duck. The Lucinato kale greens are a substantial partner to the game-like bird, maintaining the dish’s natural flavor profile. The turnips provide a sweetness and necessary textural juxtaposition to the tender duck breast and sautéed kale. The duck jus is intense with solicitous sweet and umami flavors and the soubise (béchamel sauce with puréed onions) serves as nice creamy accent. This, too, is a must-order.

The Verdict

Next Door is simply fabulous. The atmosphere, food and staff make this venue a beautiful location for a romantic dinner for two, or, alternatively, a fun outing for a sophisticated group. Expect entrées to be priced between $15 and $25, starters below $15-- though each dish is worth every penny. The wine list is interesting in the best way possible. Ask your server for suggestions.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

A dear friend of mine, Caitlin, introduced me to this poem. As she says, it's a beautiful message. Enjoy!

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and  closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your won soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes!’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up and after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer