In a recent interview with vH1 about her forthcoming new album Jennifer Lopez mused that ‘love’ should always be punctuated with a question mark. “It’s a journey,” the thrice-married star said. Journey or not, love is not the question; compatibility is.
Having exited a relationship of a year and a half four months ago (and entered into a new one three months ago) I’m far more concerned with compatibility rather than love. Love is the easy part of the relationship. If I learned anything from my most recent breakup it is that love is not always enough.
For over 30 years Helen Fisher has been paid to study what we all obsess over: love and attraction. Biological anthropologist and professor at Rutgers University, she is the leading expert on the subject. Her theory on love, attraction and compatibility is used on Chemistry.com, a dating website that matches singles.
Fisher’s compatibility theory is based upon four personality types—the Builder, Negotiator, Director and Explorer*. Each type is determined by a cluster of genes and personality traits in combination with the expression of four brain chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone) within an individual. Each brain chemical corresponds to one of the four personality types. Fisher’s theory is based upon the fact that our biological need to create genetically diverse offspring (a diverse genetic makeup usually results in a stronger immune system) will cause us to become attracted to and eventually mate with those that are not identical to ourselves. Other benefits include a natural barrier to incest and complementary yet different parenting styles. A good thing, because chances are your kid isn’t going to respond to the parenting techniques you did.
The theory suggests every person fits into one dominant and one secondary type though we are all a mix of all four of the personality types. For example, you may be primarily a Director and secondarily a Builder but also have a little Explorer in you, no pun intended.
*For a bare bones look at the four types please see the chart below. I'd like to point out that Bill and Hillary Clinton are compatible matches and that Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are complete opposites. My question is, what does that make Brad Pitt?
Of course, I had to take the test.
I am an Explorer/Negotiator. With the Explorer as my dominant type, I am novelty seeking, impulsive and spontaneous, curious, creative, flexible, open-minded and energetic. With my secondary type as the Negotiator, Fisher pegs me as being good at seeing the big picture, being imaginative, intuitive and skilled at verbally expressing myself. I am also empathetic, trusting and introspective. Fisher pegged me right. To take the test yourself, head over to Chemistry.com.
Interestingly, Fisher assigns each type a color as seen in the chart above. Too bad we don’t all dress accordingly it would make pairing off that much easier. Unfortunately for fellow Explorers only 9.5 percent of the world’s population is classified as Explorers. Of that 9.5 percent roughly one percent of Explorers marry other Explorers, their most compatible match. How do you like them odds?
Odds aside, as we age life complicates. The possibility of knowing the probability of a relationship’s success is a good thing. Whether or not you agree with the four types that Fisher describes as playing a part in the pairing off process, the idea that compatibility is more, if not equally, important than loving someone is a completely valid one. At the end of the day the decisions we make are based on who we are and our proclivity to a certain lifestyle. Everyone wants a partner, someone who stands beside and behind them. You can’t build a life when all you do is bicker about the building materials, or in the case of the Explorer whether or not you even want a pied à terre.
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